Overcoming Your Fear: An Actionable Guide!

90% of people live a mediocre life¹

If you’re reading this! Being mediocre should make you sick!

Don’t fall for the same tricks that render those 90% mediocre.

It’s easy to be mediocre.

Being phenomenal will take everything you’ve got.

There’s no alternative. Being Mediocre is out of the fucking question.

Overcoming Your Fear Is A Must

You already know why you need to overcome your fears.

The only thing stopping you is the lies you keep telling yourself.

I don’t lie to myself anymore. Frankly I don’t have time for that. You shouldn’t either.

Straight after high school, I left the comfort of my mother land (Africa) for the US of A to go to college in the hopes of getting a bachelors degree and entering the work force to make mad mullah(pff, If only knew then what I knew now). During those FOUR LONG ASS YEARS, I spent the majority of the time terrified of attractive women and got laid an amazing 4 times.

My fear of beautiful women led me to being sexually frustrated the majority of the time. I was better than that terrified little pussy I was portraying to the world hidden through a “hardcore/sweet” exterior. Unless I overcame that fear, I knew I was going to continue being a miserable sexless loser.

Speaking in public used to give me major anxiety. Sweaty palms, fidgety body language, shifty unstable eye contact, mumbling my words and the whole 9 yards. Now I can comfortably get up in front of groups and open my mouth and let words flow out completely impromptu and unprepared. It took a while to get there. As soon as I had overcome my fear of public speaking, it was smooth sailing. Don’t get me wrong I still get butterflies. The only difference is now I know exactly how to deal with them.

Your fears are stopping you from achieving the life that you want.

I’ve always had a massive fear of speaking up too loudly, expressing my opinions or doing something that will end up in an embarrassing ass whopping. This added to my social anxiety and an undesirable feeling of helplessness. If I was EVER going to do anything worthwhile in life, this problem had to be resolved. Although I’m no bruce lee, I feel more confident in my ability to handle myself if shit hits the fan. It is such a freeing feeling not having to worry about walking on eggshells because I fear getting my ass kicked. I overcame that feeling and you can too.

Actionable Steps You Can Use In Overcoming Your Fear

Sooner or later, you’re going to have to face the drums.

You’re either going to kill them or they will kill you.

Overcoming Your Fear of Beautiful Women

This is something that took me a while to do. I have to thank the pickup community for showing me easy replicable steps to start conversations and what to do after you have the ball rolling. Those training wheels are not necessary to beat this problem. It’s actually easier to beat then you think.

When I moved to New York City after getting a bachelors degree that I don’t use, the first thing I wanted to do was get this area of my life handled once and for all. Once I decided to start “cold approaching” women, FUCK was it terrifying. I’d tell myself, today is the day. I’d walk the streets for hours on end telling myself that I needed to talk to some hotties. I’d walk in the scorching summer heat seeing gorgeous women passing me by and not doing shit about it. Then I’d go home feeling like a fucking loser and swear to myself that tomorrow will be different. Tomorrow will be the day I finally “daygame” for real.

This pussy footing behavior went on for a whole week and I couldn’t even talk to a single women. WTF! After a week of this shit I had enough. I had reached a point where I let myself down so fucking much that I couldn’t go on another day lying to myself. I had to approach a girl even if it meant my death.

It was around 8pm in the month of august 2013, after walking around the whole day telling myself that the next girl will be the girl I finally talk to, I finally said FUCK IT. Then I saw her walking down 5th ave, don’t even remember what she looks like except that she was white with a nice butt. I let her walk past me and my heart sunk. I was not going to let myself down another fucking day. This is it. I turn around and slowly jog towards her, heart beating fast as fuck, every fiber in my body telling me to just go the fuck home and masturbate.

I get right in front of her, with a please don’t hurt me smile and a shaky voice, I deliver my “opener”. Something along the lines of “hey, I just saw you from over there, I thought you looked really nice so I wanted to say Hi”. She was really flattered and we had a nice little chat. I asked for her number, she told me she had a boyfriend and we ended it at that.

I felt like a FUCKING GOD after that. My balls dropped that day. I went home fist pumping the air, singing and dancing with no music, completely loving life. The next day, I talked to a lot of girls, I talked to groups of girls, I got a bunch of numbers (most didn’t reply), I got dates and even ended up kissing a girl.

All it took for me to overcome my fear was to taking action and face the drums. The more women I approached the easier it got; the harder the situation the more at ease I became. The more rejections I faced, the less they affected me.

If you’re facing this problem right now in your life. Here’s a simple solution. Make it your mission to go up to two women you find attractive a day and ask for their phone number. At first you might suck and mumble your words just like me, but over time you’ll have more women in your life then you know how to deal with.

Stuck for words? Don’t know what to say? Just go up and Say Hi. Tell her what you think about her and why you came up to talk to her. That simple. Trust me; it really is that easy.

TL;DR:

  1. Set actionable daily goals to pursue ( Ask out 5 girls a day)
  2. Put yourself in environments filled with beautiful women you have to interact with (become a bartender, amateur photographer, dancing lessons, yoga)
  3. Read Good Looking Losers Approach Anxiety Guide a.k.a Have some fucking self respect.

 Overcoming Your Fear of Public Speaking

Being an effective communicator is one of the most invaluable skills you can ever acquire. Standing up in from of a crowd and delivering a speech so emotionally charged that it compels your audience to act has been the corner stone of human history. With the power of communication wars have been fought and empires overthrown. With the power of communication, a nobody like Ghengis Khan managed to create and lead one of the greatest armies in the world, and to this day, millions of people still have his DNA.

Being a good public speaker is paramount to maximizing your potential as a human. You don’t have to be a great public speaker; being good is enough to make you stand out. By no means do I consider myself a great public speaker, I haven’t put in enough repetitions to be great at public speaking. The more I keep doing it, the better I’ll get and overtime I will be great. What I can do now is show you how I went from subpar to good.

The very first thing I did, was take a stand. I was tired of trembling like a leaf every time I had to speak up in front of people, I was tired of wanting to express myself but not doing it because I was scared of criticism. I was sick and tired of knowing I have the capabilities to do something yet constantly letting my self down. I took a stand that no matter what, I am going to become a better communicator.

One of the things that drastically improved my ability to speak up on the spot is Improvisational Comedy. When I moved to NYC in 2013, I didn’t know anyone. I needed to build a brand new social circle. To do that, I joined Meetup.com. Hands down the best website there is to find out about local events.

I joined a bunch of groups and participated in lots of meet ups, to this day, the Improv meet up has been one of the best investments of my time.

overcoming your fear using improv comedyovercoming your fear at improv      overcoming your fear with improv in the park

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s quiet simple, you show up to the meetup group. NO PRIOR EXPERIENCE REQUIRED. Everyone warms up together doing short interactive games. After the warm ups, you’ll start doing simple skits usually with a random partner or two. By the end of the meetup, you’re going to feel completely at ease in your body. On top of that the fear of judgment that’s usually clouding your mind will be gone and you’ll be quick witted.

Once you’ve got that nailed down, you should also join a toastmasters group to practice on giving speeches in a professional environment. You can join a couple of sessions for free; I’d recommend you join a toastmaster group you actually like. It cost about $100 for the year which ain’t shit for the benefits you’ll be getting.

Check out one of the first speeches I ever gave from my old Toastmasters group. I’m significantly better now.

 

TL;DR:

  1. Join an Improv Meetup group and attend a session every week to work on witticism
  2. Join a Toastmaster group and learn to give better prepared speeches.
  3. Put yourself in situations where you have to speak up

 

Overcoming Your Fear of Physical Confrontation

Every man at one point or another fears getting their asses kicked. The smart ones will face that fear head on and beat it, the dummies will hide and avoid all situations and environments where an ass beating is probable.

I still remember the first time I officially got my ass kicked. Fuck it was embarrassing. It was back in my high school dorms. After getting provoked by a drunk student “Jesse” was his name. Fuck it, I’m gonna call him out. We got into a little shuffle and he punched me in the back of the head. Didn’t even hurt but I cowered away like a little sissy and backed away until a table was between us. The whole dorm was just standing there and watching. Thanks for the help homies . I felt like such a big pussy. All I knew was that I’ll never feel that weak again.

Fast forward a couple of years, even surrounded by guys that can probably kick my ass, I don’t feel weak. I can still obviously get my ass kicked, the only difference is I ain’t going down without a fight. It took a lot of hard work, tears and suffering to get there. Just know that it can be done.

At first I started lifting weights. If you ain’t hitting the gym up, there is seriously something wrong with you and you need to sit down and figure it out. If you’re a man and all you do is run on the treadmill, YOU WEAK. LIFT SOME HEAVY ASS WEIGHT AND GET BIG. You will not understand the profound impact it will have on you until you start lifting.

Secondly learn to fight. Doesn’t really matter what fighting discipline you chose as long as you get real life experience by sparring and getting your ass beat constantly until you toughen up and start handing out the beatings. I prefer Muay Thai because I like to use my feet, knees and elbows for maximum damage.

As long as you get really good at these two things, that will place you above 90% of the population that aren’t engaged in those activities and will definitely lead to overcoming your fear of physical confrontation.

TL;DR:

  1. Get Big and Strong by Lifting some heavy ass weight.
  2. Get an average skill level of any martial arts where you get to spar (BJJ,Muay Thai,Boxing..)
  3. Get punched in the face. You’ll realize it doesn’t hurt as much as you thought it would.

 

¹Statistic pulled out of my ass that seems reasonably true.